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COACHING

THE MANAGEMENT OF ANGER

4 Mins read

What is anger?

Anger is that strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong done against you. Anger is that emotion that produces wrath and ire. Anger is the spiritual or mental energy that is synonymous with animosity and acrimony. Anger is a destructive energy that ends up destroying the person who is possessed by it if the person does not get rid of it or mortify it. 

An angry person who loses control of the self, harbours malice, bitterness, engages in evil speaking and runs swiftly to harm because they cannot house happiness, forgiveness, joy, and peace in their bosom. That is clearly and truly the way of the foolish.  

Can anger be deployed towards positive ends? We can be angry against anything that threatens our wellbeing, goodwill and fortune but the approach must not be in the same way as the negative because the motive is different. Therefore, we can be angry but exercise self-control. With self-control, we can stay away from inflicting harm, whether by words or action.

How possible can this be? Everything is possible. If we are angry and we are able to hold our words back, then we are able to check the emotion. The moment of wrath is not the moment for words. When we are angry and we are conscious of it, we must learn not to speak because at that time, whatever we utter represents negativity. Being conscious of our makeup helps in this regard. Self-awareness leads to self-regulation. This is the ability to have our emotions in check.  

When something that is capable of causing ire happens to us, what should we do? As humans, we are capable of developing our mental and emotional capabilities to extraordinary levels that can keep us in the realm of permanent self-control over everything that threatens our well-being. We are not what happened to us. We are how we choose to either react or respond to them. We are the products of our choices. When things that are capable of provoking us occur to us, what do we settle for: to be silent or to match words for words? 

We can walk away. We can choose to be temperate. We can be a continent. We can indeed be, if we check our ego. To have our ego in check is an ability, a potency that we acquire when we choose to live a higher level of consciousness. Ego and anger are partners. It is almost impossible to find one and not see the other. 

Sometimes, if someone corrects you or points out your fault, if you react negatively or angrily like you know more than the person is saying or that you have no need of being corrected, it is most likely the fruit of hubris or pride. Your ability to take it calmly whether you know it or not, and even extend a handshake and thank that person is uncommon positive energy. It is wisdom. It is power.

If we are able to calmly take what promises to be a wrathful and vexatious encounter and be mute, it is because we have learned from experience over time to hear more than to speak. The ability to hear and listen more than you speak is a virtue. The quietest is not the weakest; the noisiest is not the strongest. This much you must reconcile with yourself. 

This ability is a competence that enables us to respond instead of react. It puts anger in check. Even if anger is present, it is stifled and contained so that it does not stretch beyond what is healthy. This can only happen if we have permitted the Infinite Intelligence access to us. Something must have happened within. We must choose to let transforming power work in us.  

With ego and anger in operational alliance however, the choice to easily walk away may be a very tough choice to make because the egoistic and angry always has a point to prove. But we can flip the coin if we remember that we can be on the receiving end. What you give, you can get; and what you do not want to get, do not give. This realisation, though seemingly simple, is in dearth.   

What would you expect the other person to do to you if you did exactly what this person has done to you: rain insults on you, call you names, or even strike you? If your mind has been fed and equipped with such refined and resourceful information, and your memory does a playback at that moment, do eat humble pie, toe the path of honour and apply the reminder.  

At moments of provocation, you do need to engage with yourself first, not with the person who offends you. If you can think: in another few hours, days, weeks and months from now, would I still feel the same way? If the answer is no, as it should be then you should just walk away because the dimensions that an angry word or action can lead to, is better imagined. Then you should be better guided about what to do with the present anger and frustration. This is how to process situations. This is where response is cooked and overrides reaction.

To overcome anger this way, something must have happened within you. You must have permitted and deliberately walked the path of the just and upright. You have decided and committed yourself to a lifelong process of renewal and transformation. Your ability to keep your anger in check and not to be easily provoked is because you have attained such a level of being temperate. 

Can you forgo your rights and walk away? That is a very difficult thing to do. It is a higher life. If you think you are a student of higher-level thinking, then you are guided by divine laws: His will must prevail always. It’s His will that you are a sheep. Do you know what happens when a sheep is being sheared of its precious wool? It does not even bleat. It takes it calmly.

You may choose what you desire to become sheep or goat. The choice is exclusively yours to make. Whatever choice you make will determine what you would always settle for: anger management and control or otherwise

Joseph Ayeni.

Joseph Ayeni

Click to connect with Joseph

About author
Owner/Principal Consultant at Cerebral-Thrust Services
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